Now thinking about a lot of things...and I begin to question myself...am I really a vampire...or just another human...
I have no answer to my own question...I begin to realize that I am quite a failure when dealing with people...dealing with human relationship...why am I like this? I also don't know...maybe I was destined to be a failure with humans...that’s why I think I am vampire...someone who cannot socialize...who is bond to be in eternal darkness...away from human beings...and that’s what I like about being a vampire...that’s in my spirit...but physically...am I just another human? No...I cannot admit that I am just another human...I just cannot accept that fact...but reality tell me...that I am just as weak as a human when coming to my own feelings...about how the world works...about what is love...about what is friendship...about trust...
I am a confused vampire who begins to question his very own existence...why am I born to this world? To help people? Or to harm people? Is my very existence going to hurt the people around me? That I don't know...that I will never know...there is no right or wrong in this world...there is neither the evil nor the good...I can never understand the classification of these things...is killing a righteous or an evil deed? Is it justified to kill others because they have done something wrong? The only wrong thing in this world is when you are willing to harm other people for your own interest...if only people can put aside their vengeance...this world would have become a better place...
I begin to realize...that what this world need is not love...that love alone cannot guarantee success...the very own human feelings will be obstruction to succeeding in this modern age...the only way you can succeed in this modern age is to become heartless...to be ruthless and take advantage of every opportunity...to be a hypocrite...to give up your feelings as a human...but...am I willing to give up my own human feelings to succeed in life? Am I willing to harm other people just because of my own selfish thinking? I...I don't know...my head is now aching...why am I now thinking about such stuffs...they only drives me mad...my feelings are driving me mad...its hurting me...but...am I willing to kill off my own feelings to stop suffering? To become another heartless individual? That I don't know...only time will tell...
Immortality...some people dream to get it...that immortality can bring happiness...everyone is afraid of death...but after giving some thoughts...although I am afraid of death...I am more afraid of being alone in this world...that I will see my loved ones die before my very eyes...that I will begin to regret a lot of things that I have not done...that I will become willing to harm people...to hurt others...that I will lose myself in this society...even now...I have began to regret about things I have not done...
Am I just a puppet? Created by a superior being...that all the happenings around me are controlled...that I am just like a character in a video game...that everything I am now doing is actually someone controlling me...that all people around me are just characters created for me to know...that this planet is created for me to explore...that the feelings that I am now feeling are just being programmed into me.... am I real? Do I really exist? Or am I just a virtual creature created for the pleasure of someone....
I am going to drive myself crazy...if one day...I begin to harm others...if I lost myself...if I become a heartless beast...I want someone close to me...to stop me...to remind me of my former self...and if necessary...to kill me...I am a vampire in the heart...and I cannot accept myself becoming heartless...
I have no answer to my own question...I begin to realize that I am quite a failure when dealing with people...dealing with human relationship...why am I like this? I also don't know...maybe I was destined to be a failure with humans...that’s why I think I am vampire...someone who cannot socialize...who is bond to be in eternal darkness...away from human beings...and that’s what I like about being a vampire...that’s in my spirit...but physically...am I just another human? No...I cannot admit that I am just another human...I just cannot accept that fact...but reality tell me...that I am just as weak as a human when coming to my own feelings...about how the world works...about what is love...about what is friendship...about trust...
I am a confused vampire who begins to question his very own existence...why am I born to this world? To help people? Or to harm people? Is my very existence going to hurt the people around me? That I don't know...that I will never know...there is no right or wrong in this world...there is neither the evil nor the good...I can never understand the classification of these things...is killing a righteous or an evil deed? Is it justified to kill others because they have done something wrong? The only wrong thing in this world is when you are willing to harm other people for your own interest...if only people can put aside their vengeance...this world would have become a better place...
I begin to realize...that what this world need is not love...that love alone cannot guarantee success...the very own human feelings will be obstruction to succeeding in this modern age...the only way you can succeed in this modern age is to become heartless...to be ruthless and take advantage of every opportunity...to be a hypocrite...to give up your feelings as a human...but...am I willing to give up my own human feelings to succeed in life? Am I willing to harm other people just because of my own selfish thinking? I...I don't know...my head is now aching...why am I now thinking about such stuffs...they only drives me mad...my feelings are driving me mad...its hurting me...but...am I willing to kill off my own feelings to stop suffering? To become another heartless individual? That I don't know...only time will tell...
Immortality...some people dream to get it...that immortality can bring happiness...everyone is afraid of death...but after giving some thoughts...although I am afraid of death...I am more afraid of being alone in this world...that I will see my loved ones die before my very eyes...that I will begin to regret a lot of things that I have not done...that I will become willing to harm people...to hurt others...that I will lose myself in this society...even now...I have began to regret about things I have not done...
Am I just a puppet? Created by a superior being...that all the happenings around me are controlled...that I am just like a character in a video game...that everything I am now doing is actually someone controlling me...that all people around me are just characters created for me to know...that this planet is created for me to explore...that the feelings that I am now feeling are just being programmed into me.... am I real? Do I really exist? Or am I just a virtual creature created for the pleasure of someone....
I am going to drive myself crazy...if one day...I begin to harm others...if I lost myself...if I become a heartless beast...I want someone close to me...to stop me...to remind me of my former self...and if necessary...to kill me...I am a vampire in the heart...and I cannot accept myself becoming heartless...
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