Yesterday, when I was at the barber the barber made an interesting comment about me…at first he asked me whether I was secondary 4 and when I replied that I was at ns, he seems shocked and kept giggling…and commented that I looked more like some guy who just passed out from secondary and going to JC or poly…interesting…either I look too young or I look immature…well, personally, I don’t think I look young so I go for the immature part…which could be a good thing as I will have immature dreams that I believe that I can achieve…that the mature people can’t achieve…I have wild wacky dreams that I think the normal guy won’t believe a normal human can achieve…I believe that if I believe that no bullets can hurt me, that if I believe there is no death in this world, it will happen to me…that no bullets can pierce me, even if my body is made of fresh and blood, I believe that the mental part is the one which made it fresh and blood…that I can achieve anything if I believe in myself…
Spend Christmas at camp…and tomorrow new year would be spend in camp too…well, to me, it doesn’t really bothers me that I stay in camp during the holidays but what bothers is, most of my friends are out during that time and gather while I am stuck at camp…what is a holiday without meeting up with people you treasure most in your life? The people who you can hang around with doing nothing special and yet still enjoy the time spend together…recently I have being thinking about lots of things…especially my purpose in life…feel a bit of despair cause I realize that I am quite useless…achieved nothing much in life…haven’t being nice to my family members and I wonder why I am like that to my family member…I came to realize that I am acting in my social life, that I am wearing a mask when meeting different people, that people tend to see me as nice and trustworthy or rather cold and uncaring…a hypocrite, someone who can’t face others with his true self, or I don’t realize my true self…I sometimes wonder what I am really like…am I a cold person? Or friendly? Am I kind? Am I cruel? Or am I just a living walking highly powered human machine with no aim in life? Is this world for real? Or am I inside a dream that will never end? That will repeat itself over and over again…except that different choices will be made…for the many situations that I will face…well, this life of mine will continue on and on…until I can eventually find my true self…maybe that s what life is…to eventually find out who you really are…or to find the courage to face up to your true self…
New year is coming…whats my new year resolution? To be truthful, I hope to have more courage to face up to things happening around me…I think I am really a coward…not having the courage to face difficulties but avoiding them…to have the courage to go up to a special person to say I like her, to have the courage to be able to start the journey to the new uncertainities in front of me…another new year resolution is that I would have more confidence to fulfill my dreams…my passion…after reading so many manga, I realize that I really like manga and want to express the crazy stories in my mind in manga form…to open a manga shop, to have my own series of titles that can be famous...and at the same time, be a teacher that teaches pupils not to just study books just because their parents told them to, but instead to tell them to follow their dreams and not just do what their parents tell them to…to not let them have regrets in later life…like what many Singaporeans have…this is quite a long entry, I have more to add…but somehow, I forgot what I wanted to write down…until next time…