Everyone has their weakness, and a vampire is no different...no, I don't mean garlics, crosses or the usual stake in the heart stuff, those are just myths made up by the common people who have no idea what a vampire is. Even with exams around the corner, I still have no mood to study cause of my undeniable craze about anime and mange... the power of this craze on me is enough to stop me from drinking blood and starve myself, to throw aside more important things to do... they are my source of mental strength and inspirations and I wonder if they will continue drawing it for the next thousands of years ahead... But will the species human still be around in a thousand years after all these environmental damage being done? Only time will tell... A skill that I have being wanting to pick up but havent is to learn how to draw mange...but I find that my drawing skills are pathetic...is it because of the 'talent'? Will hard work make up for this shortage? Only time will tell...that is if I ever do find the courage to enter that world... A time waster I am, I am wasting my life as I am typing this, as I stare in front of the blank computer screen thinking why I am writing this post... Maybe its because of the mangas that I have being reading that is affecting me... Another thing that I wanna do would be to write a novel that makes people cry...but will I ever get started? Maybe the holidays coming after the exam will give me some idea or maybe it is still too early for me... maybe I should try out the many different types of jobs around and understand everyday life more before I start on this project... A long time... it might take me a long time... but will there be a happy ending? Or happy endings are determined by myself? Or happy endings just exist in the ficitional world? Even if I have a happy ending, what about the countless tragedies around? A person should be given right to persue their happy endings but at what expense? Confused... Again... I am posting things that I have being thinking through the millenium but haven't come to a conclusion...will I ever come to a conclusion? I doubt so... Maybe all I am looking for is a sad life... to feel sad... to feel the sadness from trying hard and fail... to live my live as I like and maybe end up in a tragic state... why are we looking for ways to hurt ourselves... I don't know....I will never know...

Yes...maybe all we are looking for is someone who will understand us... someone who is able to hurt us more than we can ever do to ourself... Maybe that is what people call 'love'...but does it exist? Or it is just some fading emotion that will be lost with time... 'love' that is replaced by a life long 'friendship'... maybe love last forever if people can never be together... and maybe thats what I am looking for... something that can last forever... something that can make me feel that I am actually real and alive...

I have being living... doing things that I don't really like... to study for a piece of paper... but without the process, I might not be able to write the post I am writing now... a paradox... maybe I am forced for my own good but is it correct to let it continue on? Is getting a good job and good pay what I am looking for? I am afraid...I am immature... what can I do but to doubt myself, my heart and my way of living... maybe I will lose the last strain of humanity left in me... and become a living souless being with the aim of persuing artificial happiness... I am... I may... be an idoit after all...

And when the end is coming... will I be... a tragic happy person or a happy tragic person or a happy happy person? Time will tell...if only time will stop running mercilessly