WARNING!!!! THIS IS AN EXTREMELY LONG POST (well, others are just as long but when you see me actually writing a warning in front before you start reading, you better take it seriously cause I don’t think I ever done it, I think cause my memory isn’t that it) SO IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED IN MY THOUGHT PROCESS (Baaasssically… that’s what my blog always writes about so if you gotten this far, follow it loyally, then you can just carry on and read the whole piece of strung up words that make a sentence which makes a paragraph since you already gotten used to it.) YOU CAN JUST SCROLL DOWN TO PS TO KNOW WHAT HAPPEN IN MY REAL LIFE. (But again, there would be my though process going on again and it would seem similar so you might as well read the whole thing. Oh, Before I forget, I did this post in word before posting it in and its 3 pages long including this warning which I wanted to make it really long just to annoy you and make you give up reading this and if you are still reading this really, really long warning than I guess you can continue reading it cause you got sucked in by my writings that doesn’t make any sense to you and you just want to get into the main dish so I will stop writing here before you guys bash me up for writing this really, really long warning just to make you guys read this, and seriously, if you are still reading this, don’t you feel like a fool? LOL)

(Oh, I almost forgot, 3 pages is single spacing which would be roughly equivalent to 7-8 page double spacing essay that you can hand up to a module…I wonder why I don’t get inspirations to write like this when I am doing essay…oh…you are still reading? Haven’t gave up? Carry on then lol)

There are some things that I don’t get in this world and one of them is why is it always people thank god for the things he never did and curse the devil for the same thing. Why is it that when good things happen to people, people always thank god first and whenever bad things happen, people blame the devil. I wonder how people can come to the conclusion that every time a good thing happen its because of a mysterious being called god that is responsible and that he gave them strength to overcome some mountainous odds and whenever something tragic happen, it’s the work of a devil, the cravings from the hands of the mysterious being that live in a molten lava place where people scream in pain around him. One thing I have to make clear, I am not an advocate of Satanism or whatever that is called because I don’t believe in beings being completely rotten to the core or juicy good inside, but then, its not your concern what I believe in cause you don’t really care about it except attack what I written in the past and everything I written in the past is, well, I would honestly admit, against god in general.

But if god is magnanimous, he would forgive me for what I have written so far against him cause I haven’t really done anything evil except doubt whether he is really so fantastic and almighty. And hey, ever heard of the saying that good guys die early? Well, I would say that’s an overstatement cause when good guys die, they garner a lot of attention and we tend to ignore that generally, the bad guys die just as much but don’t attract as much outburst cause we think they deserve it. But should do they really deserve it? Obviously, according to our emotional selves, I would say we would think they deserve it but logically, should any humans deserve a tragic end? Of course, I would say, YES, and its not just the bad guys, but every human.

Is that a surprising conclusion? Well, think logically people. The human race exploits and destroys the environment; subjugate other beings into slavery in order to benefit their well-being, socially class themselves to differentiate the difference even among themselves, exploit and even enslave their own race cause some of them don’t have things called ‘wealth’, ‘talent’ and ‘knowledge’, find means to extend their shelf life so as to continue this cycle and finally, lie to themselves that they are trying to save the Earth by holding conference that serves to waste more and never getting things done cause of some intangible things called ‘politics’…hmmm…as I mentioned quite a few post ago, I think ‘politics’ can parallel with ‘law’ as some of the most outrageous and stupid things ever created and maybe I will find more as I progress through the endless time that stretches in front of me, well, endless in the sense of space time and not the human species existence time.

So in the end, it’s our emotional self that says the bad guys don’t deserve their tragic end as well. Hmm…I think I am a hopeless rationalist here, or maybe a pessimist? But should I be classed a pessimist when I can see good things in bad situations as well? Or maybe should I say, should I class myself as an optimist when I think that no matter how impossible something is, it can be done? But then again, I can see bad things in good things as well and then I will hesitate. I think I am always contradicting myself but isn’t that because I can see 2 different things at the same time? But being contradicting doesn’t seem to be good in this society because you will be viewed as not firm and I will admit that I am one of the most easily swayed being… I need to learn something here.

And then, I think there is a subtle difference between an optimist and an opportunist. An optimist can see good things in the bad but might not take action but an opportunist is someone who will take action when a chance is presented. I think the difference is pretty subtle considering that they seem the same as an opportunist might be an optimist as well but the main difference is regarding the action part. An optimist can view something as getting better but might not take action while an opportunist is someone who will take action to make sure he gain something. I think people might not agree with me but hey, you are entitled to your view and I am bestowed by the legendary creatures that existed in the past that no humans ever knew to my own rights. Of course, then we will come to the question of ethics and should opportunists exploit other people in order to advance his own means in the form of lies and fallacy and make them believe that he is doing it cause he cares but in the end more money go into his pocket? Well, maybe there are genuine cases but who can know the difference except the individuals who really know what their intentions are like? One of the things I can’t stand nowadays in salesman is how they claim they care and manipulate others to manipulate others to believe they care and sell expensive items making them believe that it is worth it. So in the end, people manipulate each other because maybe they were manipulated into believing that they are doing a good deed and who got misunderstood by the people around them. And so, this is so strangely parallel to some religions whereby people spread in the belief that they are saving their friends and family and I don’t blame them for it cause they were manipulated by fantasy beings called God and Devil created by their very own kind. (Unless they get into my teeth…ermm…I mean back…)

I would guess people would question me why I keep poking at the subject of god and devil and doubting everything about it but hey, as the Chinese saying goes, if the upper is corrupted the lower is corrupted as well and if, lets say god is the upper one and humans are the lower one, wouldn’t it make it very hard to believe the teachings the books teach and doubt whether they were the jokes written by some humans if we were to look at how we have progressed thus far? As to clarify, I am not a science freak. I don’t really like science anyway because it sometimes breaks the romantic part of not knowing why things work. I do believe that there are things that cannot be explained by science and that indeed, there are extraordinary beings that exist elsewhere and there is some superior being that the current humans speak of as ‘God’ but as I mentioned in one earlier post, if god created humans, then he must be an enemy of Earth, another god. (go search for the post yourself cause I can’t remember when I posted it. But hey, I don’t update regularly so its easy for you) So in the end, I would just say that it is the humans that makes it hard for me to take up any religion. Sure, the books do teach good things that we should do but at the same time, we waste resources through rituals and keep contradicting teachings. That’s why I am a freethinker and don’t bother to try converting me cause I am a stubborn mule when it comes to this subject for the time being.

And so, dear ladies and gentlemen, the dead and the undead and the non-humans and unclassified beings reading this, don’t get too worked up over the post cause everything I write is at the spur of the moment and I don’t really remember what I wrote the next day unless I happen to read it again or someone ask me about it and if I am not worked up over writing such a long post, you shouldn’t be, right? And curse you abandon-your-master muse, come back soon and bring me some juicy bites to chew on and exploit.

(PS: I graduated and I don’t feel anything. I don’t feel genuinely happy and I can’t smile genuinely. Maybe it is because I don’t really feel attached to the university at all or maybe it is because I don’t really have close friends at the university? Or maybe its because I don’t think I really worked for the degree and I am just lucky to get in and get a degree in the first place? I don’t really know. After today, I think that although I am always thinking of trying to be nice to my parents and always do worry about them when something happens, I can never show that genuinely and always show them the cold, expressionless outer shell. I am a mystery to myself sometimes and I have to admit, maybe it is because of my self-imposed emotional control that I can’t seem to get rid off or maybe it is just my selfishness as the older child. Maybe I belong to the category of people that unless something really drastic happen to my parents (touch wood), then I will regret and cry silently and finally be able to show feelings? You see, I do recognize my problem but the problem is but why is it so hard to rectify it? Why can I show emotions to some people I treasure but not to others I treasure as well? I wonder what is holding me back or maybe I created 2 contradicting selves. Maybe I have a mental problem but I will never admit it as what one of my friend said and here I am contradicting myself again because I admitted I might have a mental problem…hmm… I wonder why I keep doing this even though I realize it… Maybe I like to torture myself? Maybe the emotional struggle within and the tug of war is what makes me feel like I am at least close to humanity? But what is humanity? Is it being compassionate to others? Hmmm...so can a person born a human be considered to have humanity naturally? Even though he torture other beings? I wonder and I digressed again…maybe its my defense mechanism acting up again subconsciously and with that, I shall end it before it gets too long and a PS should be short but again, it became long…I really need to control myself…)